NVC helps you express yourself honestly without blame or criticism. It builds understanding by focusing on your own experience rather than labeling or judging others. Here are the 4 key components:
1. Observation (without evaluation)
State what you see or hear without interpreting it. Stick to the facts.
Instead of: “You’re so messy” → Try: “There are socks under the table and in front of the door.”
2. Feeling
Express your emotion without blaming the other person.
“I feel irritated…” (Avoid saying “I feel like you don’t care” – that’s a judgment, not a feeling.)
3. Need
Share the underlying need or value connected to your feeling. Positive needs are easier to hear than complaints.
“...because I need more order in the space we share.”
4. Request (clear, specific, doable)
Ask for something concrete, not vague or demanding.
“Would you please put the socks in the laundry?”
Example 1:
“I see socks under the table and by the door. I feel irritated because I need more order in our shared space. Would you be willing to put the socks in the wash?”
Example 2:
“When I hear the TV on while I'm working, I feel distracted because I need quiet to concentrate. Could you please lower the volume or use headphones?”
1. Observation (without evaluation)
State what you see or hear without interpreting it. Stick to the facts.
Instead of: “You’re so messy” → Try: “There are socks under the table and in front of the door.”
2. Feeling
Express your emotion without blaming the other person.
“I feel irritated…” (Avoid saying “I feel like you don’t care” – that’s a judgment, not a feeling.)
3. Need
Share the underlying need or value connected to your feeling. Positive needs are easier to hear than complaints.
“...because I need more order in the space we share.”
4. Request (clear, specific, doable)
Ask for something concrete, not vague or demanding.
“Would you please put the socks in the laundry?”
Example 1:
“I see socks under the table and by the door. I feel irritated because I need more order in our shared space. Would you be willing to put the socks in the wash?”
Example 2:
“When I hear the TV on while I'm working, I feel distracted because I need quiet to concentrate. Could you please lower the volume or use headphones?”
